As I sit at my kitchen table drinking tea, I can hear the dusk choir of birds, the squeak of springs as my son jumps on the trampoline. The dishwasher is on its repetitive cycle and dinner is in the oven, my daughter is upstairs on the phone to a friend and I feel a gentle wind coming through the window. I feel so much peace in these days, lockdown has made my family unit stronger, it has brought us gentleness and relief. I don't miss for one moment school runs and deadlines, and from my internal stirrings there is a gnosis of an era ending.
What will come next, I honestly don't know. Perhaps I should consume more fear I tell myself, prepare for the great showdown, whatever that may be but I feel only stillness. My whole life was about fighting, whether that was for my life, my voice, my body or my freedom, and yet I bring to myself today only presence in this moment. There is nothing else.
I have held space for so many people over the years, listening to their wounds and navigating with them through their traumas. More so even longer for my own but the space I find myself in this now, is only love connected to everything and to nothing. The wind does not call my name anymore and those unsettled waters of chasing and doing have left my shores. My singing does not flow through me as it once did, nobody to save and absolutely nothing to prove.
Perhaps tomorrow this will all change, perhaps by then I may have transitioned from this world and I ask myself what would I have done different if I had longer? Perhaps more travel to see the other secrets of nature... to have made peace with and forged a relationship with my body sooner... to have made love more and asked for more cunnilingus... and most of all I would have liked to have found my trust in the universe sooner, so that I could have relaxed more instead of trying to prove myself and be seen in the eyes of God.
As I feel into my own presence, I sense a deep satisfaction. I have prayed for this my whole life. I am so full of myself today, not a piece missing, true wholeness, a completeness. And I am grateful. This feeling I know will not last, as all feelings are fleeting but I honour its beauty and its grace, in gratitude it found me and therefore flows through me. Perhaps as it radiates out you will taste a glimmer, and may it fall about your own being.
Many changes are occurring now, both inside and out and I recognise some of my work through plant medicines and through manifesting are being birthed now. Most of all I recognise that throughout all of my life I have been in a constant state of birthing myself over and over. I have shared in my writings and presence always about loving and healing oneself, about being a voice for the inner child within. I always knew that we are all wounded or abandoned children, and I felt that as both from my archetype as a mother and as a child. I see how we have all been raised by a tyrant father figure in our consciousness which castrates males and demonises females. Our society is calling out for the milk of the eternal mother, we have been starved of love and of peace and our soul calls out for this everlasting nourishment.
I write this today to connect from my place of truth, and perhaps that doesn't look like yours... I see you brother, I see you sister. Yet perhaps my truth resonates with yours, and if it does do you feel that, we're interconnecting and that is the beauty of our humanity.