This past six months I let most things go, stopped creating, stopped singing, stopped connecting and channelling. My passion for my womb work simply fizzled, I didn't have much drive to seek out therapy clients and my connection to botanicals had all become meaningless and empty.
Since my last plant medicine ceremony last year, I came out of my own mould that I had feverently and proudly created for myself. It meant I have had to step into a place of nothingness, which I now know as the zero field.
The only hint of what I thought as 'me' is that I knew I could set an intention to write and it would flow.
As lockdown reached my life, I was initially relieved, it meant I could give myself some sort of peaceful permission to simply be. As if before that it couldn't possibly be allowed. We give ourselves so much mental hardship for not in some way contributing to the rat race, that the simple act of being is an act of rebellion in itself.
That's how I felt anyway, I scared myself sometimes if I'm being transparent. I was afraid I had unravelled so much of my identity that I didn't know who I was anymore. I tried labelling myself of all the things I thought of as important like psychotherapist, healer, mother, lover, womb keeper, public speaker. I tried to remember all the 'important' career stuff I had done like having my own advice show on TV given a TEDx Talk, giving lectures in universities, written articles for press and media and still it didn't make me happy. Or connected.
Conversations in my head completely sucked, honestly have you ever really tuned in? So much garbage in the collective airwaves recently, it's a challenge not to identify with it. Often I would laugh at myself, to think I was branded as a resilience expert and here I was falling apart into nothingness . I cried a lot but I didn't know what at half the time, I felt fragile and the big one was that I convinced myself I'd officially lost the plot.
The big cosmic joke in all of this, is going through a dark night of the soul and we can still be functioning and communicating at the same time . Humans, we are incredibly complex beings and I honour that within both you and in me . It makes if not, for a fascinating flashback when we eventually leave our bodies.
So a few months ago, my beloved and I hit a major brick wall in our relationship and after a couple weeks of deep introspection and communicating I revealed my biggest hearts desire was to create a future together, not just take each day as it comes. After almost four years of sacred relating and loving, I am now surrendering myself to him in a whole other way and have become his student.
To allow my love to take the lead in an area of my own self development takes a trust like no other, after all he is teaching me something that never would I ever imagine even breathing its energy in, is that of combatives and self protection. In essence I am REBIRTHING myself as sovereign queen, protector and warrior.
In the past I had always refused to even take part in by beloveds work as I was afraid of it. I didn't see myself as accessing this sort of fierceness, I was after all a peaceful person and was contributing to world peace through my love and compassion... My fierceness was in my heart and in my mind, what use was the physical aspect, I would wonder?
After the first session of learning how to groin kick, I lay on the floor and cried. To say it shook me deeply was an understatement. With each physical movement, old trauma energy which had been literally lying dormant in my muscle fibres were being released. I had a lot of memories come up to the surface from the violence of my childhood, I let the tears come and go and brought the old energy into my heart chakra to let it all be alchemised.
Since then my lessons have been in kicking, elbowing, kneeing, punching, eye gouging, and some weaponry. It's highly challenging and I've still got such a long way to go to be proficient in these skills and I honest to God hope I never have to use them in real life but its teaching me some incredible ways about the intelligence of the body, releasing trauma and reclaiming sovereignty.
My mind doesn't like me being a beginner, being a perfectionist means I deeply criticise myself about my body and my abilities but you know what, sometimes you just have to get over yourself. I was never taught lessons in the importance of protecting myself and my children, instead I was given the Disney narrative like most of us.
I'm changing that story now. Rebirthing an aspect of myself which was underdeveloped. I realise that labelling myself didn't resonate, how could it when I am all things becoming? My fire has been lit again and I am grateful .
Leave me a comment and let me know about your biggest re-birth!
Everybody be waiting for Jesus or some man god to show up and save them, I say we're waiting for WOMEN to remember themselves, to own their feelings, to share their voices; so we can collectively birth heaven on earth through all the landscapes of our bodies, breathing life back into creation.
Society forgot that this land is our mother, and instead the patriarchal forefathers taught us to shame and torture her, rape and gag her and even when she bled she was ostracized and when she cried was cast out and made a sinner for her existence.
You think She is dead, got burnt at the stake. You believe the feminine aspect was crucified by the church, that's why you refuse to look at her although she is beating within you. She is not here to punish you like the phallic jealous gods of man but she will let you FEEL, and feel it all.
She is here to remind you that she is EVERYTHING and will flash her vulva like a middle finger in your face and will slay the beast of ignorance and hatred with her very teeth. I tell you that She is pregnant with life and she is in labour now. How she will birth depends on how she surrenders to her nature, her flow and her force.
The feminine principle is our RESURRECTION and she does not look like the sweet natured, soft spoken little girls that were taught to be valued had to serve her whole soul on a plate, forsaking herself and her birth right. Instead she is calling you out on your shit, letting herself be seen in all her shapes and guises. You call her crazy but who the fuck else has the power to weep and embody the pain of the world?
She does. When it seems like it's the end of the world, she is asking you to first rest so you can get in your hearts and be with your families, safe in your homes. She is preparing you now to see clearly even though you are being presented with illusion. Do you remember how?
Her tenderness and her tears are another manifestation of her strength and she remembers her wildness in giving birth to her own holiness. Her own body, created you through the magic of her blood, fed and nourished you through the milk of her breast and as an adult you crave to return home to the safety of her. When will this war on Her end? Only you can remove the bondages of your own slavery, let your eyes see that we are all ONE.
When patriarchal empires forcefully burned the ancient sacred ways of women, they didn't realise that womb mysteries were scorched into the very fibres, of flesh and of blood through the feminine lineage.
There is a radical remembering across the Earth of these devotional ways through the laws of nature and moon communities, as the magic of menstrual blood seeps back into our consciousness.
Grandmother teachings tell of women who walk between worlds at their most powerful and potent time of their cycle, as they bring back ancient secrets of their soul.
How would your life have been different if your own initiations into menstrual magic were held by these sacred ways?
𝑨𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒖𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒆𝒙𝒊𝒕, 𝒊𝒏 𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒓𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆, 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒑𝒐𝒆𝒕𝒓𝒚. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 𝒄𝒐𝒔𝒎𝒊𝒄 𝒅𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒓, 𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒊𝒆𝒅 𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒚. 𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒑 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒄𝒐𝒅𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒉𝒖𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒚, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚'𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒄𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔.
𝙏𝙪𝙧𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙫𝙞𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙪𝙥𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙙𝙤𝙬𝙣, for we're all in it together. We are all players of a divine show, all with our parts to play. We are born to play a role, be it an archetypal villain, hero or sage. All of our parts move in seen and unseen unison, every ACTion propels the soul and SETs the SCENE for the grand FINALE.
To know oneself as the eternal lover you will have been on a journey of wholeness, CAST under a spell incompleteness. It has been DRAMAtic has it not, the illusions of brokenness, of shame and of guilt. But no more!
Within this golden new age, the eternal lover does not look down on the sleepers and the 3D-ers but embraces them in her wonder, for they too are all part of the show - it's all perfection.
The eternal lover is YOU, I know you're reading this! Tag another eternal lover beloveds, we are on the role call! The time is NOW!
𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐦
𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧
𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮
𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐰𝐚𝐲
𝐑𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧
𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞
𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧
𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐰𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧.
𝑾𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑮𝑼𝑺𝑯𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝒕𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆
In my lifetime I made an agreement to embody feminine sexual shame, my higher self so sure that I would transform and break this patterning for my ancestral line. In doing so I made a promise to show up, in the limelight and share what it means to walk the path of woman. In all her holiness, in all her beauty and in all her sovereignty.
I have been abused, I have been violated, I have been shamed. I have been a whore, a bitch and a prostitute. I have been a liar and I have been a sinner. I have created life in my womb and I have destroyed it. I have given my power away and I have had it forced from me. I have both forgotten myself and tried to take away my breath, had hands upon my mouth and neck and my voice stolen from me. I have had dark shame, sorrow and grief grow into the physical mass of my womb and heart. I have opened my legs out of both fear and disgust and had my feminine portal torn open and sewn up again.
Do you see sister? Are you resonating? The way of woman is not a path trodden lightly. We are not here to carry on with the traumas of our great grandmothers and our sisters who have been burnt at the stake. We are here to be the tide of change. We are the GUSHING tide of change!
I will SHAMELESSLY take a stand for the innocence of womankind, her sensual pleasurable feminine expression of a juicy life! I have walked my path of fire to show you there is light, there is healing and there is ecstasy.
Since 2005 I have blended my psychotherapy training with women's womb wisdom which has travelled through the hearts and consciousness of plants and mother consciousness. I make no apology for being both a psychotherapist and a Mystic. This is the path of the priestess and great goddesses, whom we all are embodied. I couldn't care less about being labelled but I do care about my sisters reclaiming their sexual innocence. 🙌🏻💓
If you feel touched by any of my posts and my words ring true for you, I have sessions both in person and online. Drop me a message if you feel the call of the shameless woman within.🙏🏻
SACRED SEXUAL SOUNDS
Sisters, have you ever been told you're too noisy when you make love? Have you ever felt outraged that you've been told to 'keep it down'? Do you find it difficult to fully immerse yourself into the pleasure of lovemaking when you have to put a lid on what is the most natural form of your sexual pleasure? I have! Its like having cold water poured on your very soul
Putting worrying about family and neighbours aside, I wanted to use this space to open up a conversation about the sacred alchemical process which gets activated when a woman is fully free and accepted to allow her natural sounds to organically vocalise.
As a woman surrenders to her self during lovemaking, her natural noises actually process 'stored stuff' from out of the physical, mental, and emotional bodies. She is then in her goddess zone of actually CREATING the LOVE VIBRATION onto the planet. This is why many sisters see themselves as lovers and priestesses, because this is their sacred work (eye see you).
Her sacred sexual sounds are actually activating source codes within her beloved (usually one who aligns with the masculine vibration.) As she is penetrated open to love, the pressure points in her vagina fuse with his, and each noise will activate holy codes of heiros gamos. She must feel totally safe and trusting in her partner for this work to be achieved.
When both partners come together in sexual union, if agreed upon both can manifest using their joint intention to visualise the birth of their creation. Her noise is paramount to this process, as she goes within her temple, she retrieves manifesting codes, and as the voice of God she blesses the intention.
So how does that sound to you? Heck this is so juicy! Doesn't it make sense how women have had their voices taken away from them? Doesn't it open your eyes as to why little girls were taught to be seen and not heard?
How do you feel about being heard during lovemaking? How do you feel in the presence of sounds during your union?
The more we share our truths, the more we can celebrate in HER holiness.
We really are here dreamed awake through love to manifest in the playground of abundance, so what do YOU dream awake, love?
When today's #selfloveweek email came through with the simple question "What do you dream of making your reality?" I have been hesitant to answer it all day!
Through all the inner work I have done, the therapy and the plant medicine ceremonies the question keeps coming up, what do you choose?
It's been a baffling question, and that in itself sounds bizarre. It means I get to make decisions, it means I AM FREE to have anything I desire.
I've had to step into the KNOWING that all things are possible, not just wishing for it or believing in it but ingrained knowing.
I've literally just taken the first step forward! It feels odd actually but I bow down to all my experiences, my woundings, my conditioning- thank you for pushing me on the path of my sovereignty, my birth rite!
So I choose
💕 to show up exactly as I am, exactly where I am
💕 to always walk the path of innocence
💕 to declare now and always that we are shameless
💕 wealth and abundance in all things that I create and touch
💕 to honour my voice and sing in the songs of love and truth
💕 to always remember I gave everything I need and therefore can have fun in playing with my desires
This will be my new reality, what about you loves?