As we purge this seemingly 'epidemic' from the planet, we will one by one all come to bear witness for another's sexual abuse story. It may be first, second or third hand but all of us are now affected, it is undeniable.
It may feel overwhelming or confusing. We may wish to deny its existence and bury our head in the proverbial sand but it is this action that has enabled this deeply embedded trauma to seep into our human psyche.
As a collective we stand on the threshold of our consciousness moving from an old distorted paradigm into a new one, which is our original bliss state of love. We cannot be and live in peace until our joint trauma has been processed.
We must share this burden as one, by taking responsibility for our collective recovery. How then can you as an individual, offer a safe space for another?
HONOUR THE PERSON
Commend their courage in coming forward. Lost voices can take decades to be heard and if a person is sharing with you, access gratitude that your presence is a healing container. Sharing is not always easy, and the person will undoubtedly feel vulnerable and that they're taking a risk in their share. They will have weighed up fears such as, "I won't be believed", "They'll think it's my fault" or "they'll think I'm disgusting and dirty". It is imperative that you let the person know you believe them, and do not share any of your own fears or beliefs at this stage.
REMOVE BLAME, DISSOLVE SHAME
Reassure the person that what happened was not their fault, no matter the circumstances. As children, abusive touch can feel pleasurable which is why shame can take root. Reassure the person that no, it doesn't matter what they were wearing, it doesn't matter their state of sobriety, it doesn't matter if a well-known tantric teacher confused them, it doesn't matter if they changed their mind; it's not a yes without competent consent. Mirror back to them their innate knowing of the betrayal against their innocence, it will help them to realign with their truth.
It's a practical step but their safety is of paramount concern. Ask if they are still at risk from the perpetrator? Are there any children who could be at risk? Here in the West we do not live in communities where villagers would gather round to hold space to both the injured and the persecutor, so if the answer is yes there is a responsibility to either report it to the police or offer practical assistance to remove the person away from the environment. This may seem daunting to you but in staying silent, you only enable the abuse to continue. The person sharing may have a resistance to these steps, open up the dialogue and see where it leads. It may become transparent that fear of reporting existing abuse would endanger the person. Know that police do handle these matters sensitively and procedures can be taken to offer safety. Please remember that you solely are not responsible for carrying this burden.
YOUR OWN SHARING COULD BE A SALVE
Where appropriate, if you yourself have been sexually assaulted in some way, then in your sharing of your own story; this can provide a healing salve. It is important to not let your sharing dominate the other person's, sometimes the exchange of "me too" can be enough. Take cues from the other person, are they in a place to hear you? Maybe they will ask you questions, gauge through the knowing of your heart what is appropriate.
Sometimes being heard is enough in that moment but what comes next? Sexual abuse healing is not as simple as opening up and the job is done. There are many layers that can be revealed over time and old memories long forgotten, may come up again and again. For now your responsibility is to be a sign post. Explore the future with the person, what would they like next? Can you help them any further? Do they need anything from you? What healing modalities are available? Remember not to assume but to ask the person. They may not know what steps feel right for them, it may be an overwhelming experience for them. Trust them by finding your own centre as that loving witness.
After the share in the coming weeks and months, the person may have gone 'silent' on you. This doesn't mean they've dealt with their revelations but it could mean they feel embarrassed in their vulnerability. You can be accountable by staying in touch on occasion, let them know you haven't abandoned them. Let them know they weren't too much for you.
Most of all, stay accountable to yourself. In witnessing an abuse story, you yourself may be deeply triggered or have your own explorations to delve into. It is important that you don't stuff it down and away from your consciousness, use it for a catalyst in the greatest change for yourself and for humanity.
The beloved is never lost, and they reveal themselves in form as a projection of your inner polarity, without judgement, exactly where you are, as you do too.
As a feminine woman my own experience of this game we call life, was to be stripped of sovereignty through great love, to have it hidden under my nose by the beloved in all his shapes, forms and guises, as I find and reclaim it for myself.
I bow my head in reverence to the beautiful masculine presence in my life. We have travelled galaxy after galaxy, dancing between stars, swinging between the electric leading energy and the magnetic receiving energy of the ever entwined masculine and feminine energies.
Through this hologram of life, those we love gift us pathways of exploring and claiming our own mastery. At times our game of hide and seek seem unbearable as we witness what 'is' through a lens not where we 'are' of our inner world but through the outside polarity projection.
I have ran and have hidden, I have inflicted pain only for it all to find me again. So this year there has been no choice but to surrender to loves greatest longing.
And the greatest longing is union. Union within and without. As I return home over and over to myself, I see how my longing wants to live unashamedly through me, to be embodied in my entirety.
My longing is the great destroyer of suffering and the sweetest dance of ecstasy.
We are a team, a partnership of the divine and we hold each other in holiness. As my eyes look at this photo with myself and my beloved, my body knows that I am safe, that our union has been kissed, and I am humbled by my own longing of union.
This retrograde and Lionsgate season didn't leave me or my beloved untouched, and I was asked on Saturday to share my secrets of communication with my partner.
We first and foremost come together on a mutual agreement that our personal freedom to grow in any direction we choose underpins our relationship.
After 3 years together, we strive to meet our own needs individually and not dependent on the other, as whole beings before reaching out to the other person if we become aware of any gap within.
When we recognise an 'issue' with the other person, we do the work on ourselves FIRST. We have innerstandings that our partner is a reflection of our inner world and when something is shown to us that perhaps we'd rather not see, we make a personal inquiry first to address any shadow aspect.
We communicate from the place of our highest truth, even if we are aware our words may cause discomfort for the other. We do this because speaking honestly and with integrity for our own self means we are not betraying our own hearts.
Sometimes we hit what we call 'brick walls' in our relationship. We hold each other with our presence even when its tough because our innerstandings knows that once one 'brick' moves, all will tumble away leaving only a new truth for us to hear and witness the other.
It is not 100% always smooth sailing, for instance there were a few issues recently and I fell into my wounded feminine mode, walking away from him and needed my own space for a week. Neither of us are fully enlightened beings and fall into traps of our ego from time to time BUT we are able to do the internal work and come back together with our truths.
We deeply love each other and its unconditional love without expectation. We support each other to follow our hearts and our dreams. We recognise we have something incredibly special that needs nurturing and tending to.
With each passing moment we feel the magic in our veins of our love, it keeps evolving beyond our wildest imaginations. We feel incredibly blessed and show how grateful we are for the other.