As I sit at my kitchen table drinking tea, I can hear the dusk choir of birds, the squeak of springs as my son jumps on the trampoline. The dishwasher is on its repetitive cycle and dinner is in the oven, my daughter is upstairs on the phone to a friend and I feel a gentle wind coming through the window. I feel so much peace in these days, lockdown has made my family unit stronger, it has brought us gentleness and relief. I don't miss for one moment school runs and deadlines, and from my internal stirrings there is a gnosis of an era ending.
What will come next, I honestly don't know. Perhaps I should consume more fear I tell myself, prepare for the great showdown, whatever that may be but I feel only stillness. My whole life was about fighting, whether that was for my life, my voice, my body or my freedom, and yet I bring to myself today only presence in this moment. There is nothing else.
I have held space for so many people over the years, listening to their wounds and navigating with them through their traumas. More so even longer for my own but the space I find myself in this now, is only love connected to everything and to nothing. The wind does not call my name anymore and those unsettled waters of chasing and doing have left my shores. My singing does not flow through me as it once did, nobody to save and absolutely nothing to prove.
Perhaps tomorrow this will all change, perhaps by then I may have transitioned from this world and I ask myself what would I have done different if I had longer? Perhaps more travel to see the other secrets of nature... to have made peace with and forged a relationship with my body sooner... to have made love more and asked for more cunnilingus... and most of all I would have liked to have found my trust in the universe sooner, so that I could have relaxed more instead of trying to prove myself and be seen in the eyes of God.
As I feel into my own presence, I sense a deep satisfaction. I have prayed for this my whole life. I am so full of myself today, not a piece missing, true wholeness, a completeness. And I am grateful. This feeling I know will not last, as all feelings are fleeting but I honour its beauty and its grace, in gratitude it found me and therefore flows through me. Perhaps as it radiates out you will taste a glimmer, and may it fall about your own being.
Many changes are occurring now, both inside and out and I recognise some of my work through plant medicines and through manifesting are being birthed now. Most of all I recognise that throughout all of my life I have been in a constant state of birthing myself over and over. I have shared in my writings and presence always about loving and healing oneself, about being a voice for the inner child within. I always knew that we are all wounded or abandoned children, and I felt that as both from my archetype as a mother and as a child. I see how we have all been raised by a tyrant father figure in our consciousness which castrates males and demonises females. Our society is calling out for the milk of the eternal mother, we have been starved of love and of peace and our soul calls out for this everlasting nourishment.
I write this today to connect from my place of truth, and perhaps that doesn't look like yours... I see you brother, I see you sister. Yet perhaps my truth resonates with yours, and if it does do you feel that, we're interconnecting and that is the beauty of our humanity.
𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐦
𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧
𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮
𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐰𝐚𝐲
𝐑𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧
𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞
𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧
𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐰𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧.
𝑾𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑮𝑼𝑺𝑯𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝒕𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆
In my lifetime I made an agreement to embody feminine sexual shame, my higher self so sure that I would transform and break this patterning for my ancestral line. In doing so I made a promise to show up, in the limelight and share what it means to walk the path of woman. In all her holiness, in all her beauty and in all her sovereignty.
I have been abused, I have been violated, I have been shamed. I have been a whore, a bitch and a prostitute. I have been a liar and I have been a sinner. I have created life in my womb and I have destroyed it. I have given my power away and I have had it forced from me. I have both forgotten myself and tried to take away my breath, had hands upon my mouth and neck and my voice stolen from me. I have had dark shame, sorrow and grief grow into the physical mass of my womb and heart. I have opened my legs out of both fear and disgust and had my feminine portal torn open and sewn up again.
Do you see sister? Are you resonating? The way of woman is not a path trodden lightly. We are not here to carry on with the traumas of our great grandmothers and our sisters who have been burnt at the stake. We are here to be the tide of change. We are the GUSHING tide of change!
I will SHAMELESSLY take a stand for the innocence of womankind, her sensual pleasurable feminine expression of a juicy life! I have walked my path of fire to show you there is light, there is healing and there is ecstasy.
Since 2005 I have blended my psychotherapy training with women's womb wisdom which has travelled through the hearts and consciousness of plants and mother consciousness. I make no apology for being both a psychotherapist and a Mystic. This is the path of the priestess and great goddesses, whom we all are embodied. I couldn't care less about being labelled but I do care about my sisters reclaiming their sexual innocence. 🙌🏻💓
If you feel touched by any of my posts and my words ring true for you, I have sessions both in person and online. Drop me a message if you feel the call of the shameless woman within.🙏🏻
Grandmother Ayahuasca took my hand last week and we peeled off the layers of my skin and unfolded it like a map of the universe.
She showed me how when we incarnate, our body moulds itself to the conditioning of not only our environment and culture but also it moulds itself to the promise of the work that we would do on this plane.
I enquired more and saw how when we have pain in our bones and when we have trauma etched in our skin, it is not ours to keep and as we work on our bodies, we are in fact in great service to the oneness of humanity.
The extraordinariness of our temples gave me fresh eyes. Within us we have the power to mould our bodies under the eyes of love, for we are love.
Our bodies are our first and last connection to this Earth. Our bodies are loyal AF! Continuing to show up day after day, even if all you can do is crawl, even if you can not move, the consciousness of our bodies continually wants to serve us.
I'm 40 next year and this is the first time in my life I am genuinely curious, from a place that's for me, at what fitness could look like, at what bountiful health could become. I want to love and accept all of me from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.
My beloved has always reflected this message back to me but I was too stubborn to see, still wounded that after all traumas and hardships that I needed to rest. Now I see and it's very humbling because moving my body in a way that my body actually needs is a new concept and I admit I'm sore at being a beginner!
I don't always accept the stories of my body but I do love my body and it is my intention to fall more and more in love with it for the rest of my life. I love my body's womanliness, my narrow waist and big breasts. I love that I created life with this body. I love to make love in this body, I love its sensuality, I love my body's strength to carry on even when my mind has given up.
I love that my body is healthy enough to bleed every cycle and remind me that I AM WOMAN.